The Dotted Breve Café

DOTTED BREVE CAFE TERMS AND CONDITIONS

Part I

The Dotted Breve Café serves four main sizes of coffee related beverages, as shown below.

• All employees of The Dotted Breve café will hereby be referred to as 'Breveren', or in the plural tense, 'The Grand Staff'.*
• All upper-management staff must be addressed as 'AP Muther'.*
• Group coupon deals must be referred to as 'grouplets'.*
• If such a situation arises in which an employee needs to use the bathroom, they must ascend the 'half steps' to the second floor, upon which they will find themselves in the presence of a bathroom.
• In such a situation where an employee must take leave for a specific amount of time, they must inform the other employees by way of announcing "I'll be Bach".
• Such situations  in which a customer/employee spills a beverage or drops a food item (such as a croissant) must be referred to as 'accidentals'.*
• The Dotted Breve Café asks that it's employees refrain from selling it's handcrafted merchandise illegally. This includes: cups, t-shirts, coffee beans, paper, live chickens, hand sanitizer, cell phones, 'Biff It' Binders, handbags, purses, jockstraps, books, speakers, toasters, microwaves, ovens, chips, webcams, calculators, underwear, shoes, small houses, children, and Jason Nikkel.

Failure to comply to these terms and conditions will result in the employee's death job termination. Please, no flash photography. 


Up next: Page 2 of Part I.

*Like Malcolm Gladwell, the Dotted Breve believes that putting in asterisk in EVERY FREAKING PARAGRAPH convenient places throughout a paper can help guide the reader along.